Friendships Are Forever

2011-03-01T05:15:00.000+08:00

http://www.bp-scorpio.it/cool01.11.php?SID=498

Muhammad Firdaus N has sent you a private message

2007-07-10T18:30:00.001+08:00

Just a reminder - click here to read your message from Muhammad Firdaus N:

http://www.flixster.com/user/darkquest/connect

What is Flixster?
Flixster is a free site that lets you share movie ratings with friends and meet other people with similar movie taste. Its also got tons of videos, quizzes, photos, actor profiles and such. You should check it out.

This note was sent via Flixster by Muhammad Firdaus Nata (darkquest@gmail.com) to darkquest.lilfir86@blogger.com. If you prefer not to receive emails like this, tell us here.
Or you can notify us in writing to this address: Flixster, PO Box 40577, San Francisco, CA 94110

Muhammad Firdaus N has sent you a private message

2007-07-08T11:13:00.001+08:00

http://www.flixster.com/user/darkquest/connect

Muhammad Firdaus N

2005-09-08T03:30:00.000+08:00

The clock hit 11.45AM the moment I woke up. I immediately switched on my computer. I tried conceptualizing for my dance solo. Honestly, my mind's a bit dry. Maybe it's sort of like disrupted because I'm worrying for my examinations too.

I tried purchasing a movie for the first time on SCV's 'Demand TV'. It was 'You Got Served'. I had been viewing it lot's of time on my PC but now I have the pleasure of watching it via my Plasma Television! *Evil Grins*!

Reached school at around 8.30PM to practice dance with the rest of whom participating in Dance Fest at Pasir Ris. I tried so hard and struggling with my dance solo. Set foot upon home beyond midnight. Two times in a row.

No one knows what the future holds for anybody. It's unpredictable. Changes would inevitably occur. Some changes pretty much scare me. I came out with a scenario. Let's just say, 10 years from now, would things still be the way it is? Would whoever still be whoever they are to you? Etc; relationship. I used to have dotting relationships but now, due to some circumstances, I ended up not being able to see them nor even communicate with them for like I don't know? 1 year ++ . Sooner or later, I might just be cleanly forgotten. I guess that's how the world works huh? Pieces of Lil Fir's thought. Rant at it if you want.

Love, Lil Fir

2005-09-06T05:16:00.000+08:00

What an unearthly hour to write a journal entry, it's 5AM but it's nothing new though. I've still yet to come out with my dance concept, style and everything. I knew I had to inculcate some popping elements in it because the other 7 finalists are freaking good at it. I wished I could become a good 'popper' overnight. I guess I knew the importance of being different from the rest as what my senior, Rene cited to me the other day.

I think I better start exercising time management. Because a day before my Finals, I had an examination to sit for so is after that very day. Hee..

I'm really hopeful Hana is having a very happy birthday. I tried calling her but..couldn't get through, hmm.. I terribly miss you dear. =(

Sometimes, I just couldn't understand what my mind can conjure. So much for seeking true friendships but I myself can't seem to be able to be a true friend material myself. I don't know, I guess I asked for too much sometimes when friendship is not about asking for anything in return.

To those that mattered to Lil Fir.. Sometimes, I could only lie in the comfort that I tried my best but sometimes, I would feel that I failed.. Lil Fir don't know why ... *cries*

Love, Lil Fir

2005-09-05T01:00:00.000+08:00

Today's entry is purely dedicated to my very special someone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR HANA!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T FEEL SO LONELY.

I'M NOT ABLE TO BE PHYSICALLY THERE FOR YOU.

BUT YOU KNOW, MY HEART, MY MIND ARE.

TAKE CARE KAYZ?

MISS YOU, LOVE YOU. *HUGGIES*

LOVE, LIL FIR

P.S. REASON, I'M POSTING AT 1AM? CUZ, THAT'S APPROXIMATELY THE TIME AT JAKARTA.

2005-09-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

just want to fast forward to dance competition held at Suntec City in the evening. i came alone and i was a bit late. i guess i miss the first competitor of the night. i saw conz aka yumi and so i sat with her and the little boy. the little boy is cute. before that i saw stacy too. i was half-expecting Zong Yan to be there but poor her, she had a lot of assignment to do.

as usual the performances awed me to the core.

then, the result had to come.

i won't lie and i won't hide what i'm feeling inside. when they announced me as one of the finalist, i'm really overwhelmed with guilt and wrongs. even if judges don't cheat, i'm cheating myself. at that point of time, i really felt like all eyes were on me. i don't deserve to be in the top 8. before the last heat commenced, i'm totally satisfied with not being in the finals and planned to come back strong next year but it came early for me when they announced 'lil fir'. how the hell could it be? all this is enough to make me break down and cry..

whoever's reading this.. i hope you would understand me. i won't expect you to fully do so. i never expect this to happen either. but i can't turn back.. i have to work trillion times harder now to match with the other 7 finalists for open solo. reason? they are a hell lot better than me! enough ranting i guess ? i shall cover myself with blankets and let it all out...

love, lil fir..

2005-09-03T13:47:00.000+08:00

*Pats* my poor journal. It needs some updating! Sorry for the lack of it folks. I guess I'm still trying to get over whatever happened in the last journal entry. Oh well..

It's complete OK if I don't get in. I would still be happy but I really hope and pray that StageARTs group would get in. Be heading down to Suntec City later to hear the results. Too bad, Belinda won't be joining. I'll be updating her. =)

Hana's birthday is two days from now but it's a pity that she won't be in Singapore. I wish I'm rich. :( Hope she'll have a great birthday there. Dear, I miss you! :)

Examinations is like 2 weeks from now. Can't wait to get myself into pure torturement. Wished to get an 'A' for two of my modules. HeHe..Wish me luck! *Muackz*

Love, Lil Fir

2005-08-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

After the two-minutes ended, I immediately knew it was atrocious. At that point of time, I really felt total failure.

Despite all the compliments I received, I believed it still was. But then, it was really my first time. I guess I got the whole concept wrong. Nevermind, I learnt. Hopefully, I'll come out strong at the end of it.

Thanks to the all the peeps that consoled me. Especially Belinda. She had been there encouraging me before and after the whole thing. Thanks. =)

I realised I have two projects up my sleeve and I'd done nothing about it. Time to get at it in a while.

Thanks Zong Yan. Like I said, I'm so honoured to have you as a fan of mine. Who could boast such fan? HeHe. =P *Huggies*

My best friend cum dear, Hana. I miss you so much, so does Belinda. Looking forward to seeing you again in the future. Take care.

Love, Lil Fir

2005-08-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

Think I'm going to write a journal entry before I head off to my new house at Choa Chu Kang. As you should know, I'm a computer addict. I'll be staying overnight. My family have not officially move there yet though we've bought the house.

I get to enjoy aircon! Hope I can get inspirations for my choreography!

Anyways, just to inform you all. I'll be having my preliminary rounds on Saturday. My solo will be at Suntec City Tower 5. That, if you guys wish to support me. HeHee..That's all. Gotta rush. My mum =|

Love, Lil Fir

2005-08-23T23:49:00.000+08:00

To my lecturer, it's like I finally turned up for Mathematic's lecture. I was given not one but two counselling forms for poor attendance. Like OMG. I had two hours of break after that lessons. I had my breakfast and took some nap at the library. You have no freakish idea how tired and sleepy I really was.

I wasn't paying much attention to lectures after that. I was busy contemplating on remixing my current solo's music.

I had lab test at night. After that, I head to meet the rest for dance practices. The dance preliminary is this Saturday and I'm still struggling I'm telling you... I'm so so nervous. Hope I won't lose face. I do have confidence.. Belinda is tagging along and supporting me. Thanks. =)

Hmm..i saw 'her' not once but twice today. Heehee..:) I said 'hi' and instantly after that I was like thinking to myself, was i wrong to do that? i don't mean anything ...

I'm going to re-mix my song now .. Oh my gosh ..

Love, Lil Fir

2005-08-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

Been pretty stressed up. I didn't know planning for solo would be emotionally and physically draining. Like I said, I've lot of expectations to live up too. God, please help me through all this..

Reached clubroom at 6++. Before that, I past by Belinda. I'm real sorry I sort of like brushed you off like that. I've no idea why I did that too. Anyways, Zelia, Ros and Anselm was already in the room. Anselm's knee was being nursed by Ros. Poor him.

The rest all reached soon after. We all basically struggling with our work. Their's with their group and I'm with my solo. Frankly, felt like breaking down sometime .

Too tired to blog.. I'm gonna fall dead soon.

Love, Lil Tired Fir..

2005-08-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

I slept late and I woke up late on a Sunday. I don't think I need to come out with any mathematical theorem to explain that.

To my realization, I have still yet to develop a concept for my solo dance competition's heat. Actually, I realised it long ago but I practically never bothered to do anything about it. No, it's not that I'm not taking this seriously but I totally idea-deficient. In addition, I have scarce amount of songs resources and sound effects for mixing my music.

Nonetheless, I contemplated on it. I decided to do a millitary style, you know 'Warzone' that kind. I messed around with Acoustica MP3 Mixer and I'm still at it while I'm typing this journal. I really have no idea how am I going to fare because I've lot of expectations to live up too but hey, I'm any ordinary dancers, I'm freaking new to it. I'm going to try my best!

Foods for thought for myself. Why does it turn out to seem that the one I'm holding my torch too happens to be owned or doesn't seem to love me at all. Like for example, the one I'm having a crush on now. I have no idea if she's attached but I highly thought that she is.

But then, I believed there's an answer to all that. It takes the perfect timings for any two people to fall in love with each other. If one happen to fall for another but that another does not happen to feel so, it's one-sided they say. I'm not giving a lecture in love or whatsoever, that should always seem to be the case. Hee..

I believed it's an exam period for some. I wish you all good luck particularly Belinda. I can sense you avidly read my blog! Haha! All the best yah! =)

Love, Lil Fir

2005-08-20T23:23:00.000+08:00

I got up without the aid of my handphone because I did not set the alarm, duh. Talking about handphone, an LG handphone would be in my grasp anytime soon, wehoo! I let myself woke up without caring what the time would be. I woke up and practically had ample time to get myself ready before heading to school for dance practice. I caught up with the freshies at Macdonald's having our lunch. We had practice at E313. We thought Josh left us in the lurch or something because he hadn't arrived at that point of time. We were relieved when he finally came. Actually, we should'nt be feeling so & so because we're seniors afterall. Sooner or later, the rein will be passed to us. We should be taking a bit more responsibility and stuff.

We learn a combination of Zee dear and Yee Shan's choreography. We had fun. I know I'd been saying this a lot of time but heck, I mingled with the freshies even more. Idiotic Jeremy whipping us with his blue bandanna. I had red marks on my hands and my legs. Geesh! Lol ! I had dinner with fellow freshies, Priscilla and Sherry. This two girls' really cute lah! Haha! Chatty too!

I head to my new home @ Choa Chu Kang. Dad and Mum arrived there much earlier. My house is still barely filled. I decided to bath there. It's been a while since I last used a bath tub. There was no heater though because apparently it had not been set up yet. I can't wait to finalise our move there. Hee... We decided to head home at 10PM. Dad bore me to Choa Chu Kang MRT and I headed home from there before he pillioned my Mum home.

P.S. It's pretty weird. I waited for quite some time to be able to see her again but when I got the chance to do so, I pretended not to see her. *Sighs*. Explainable? Unexplainable? Somewhere in my heart forbides me to do so .. *double sighs* ... Goodnite people..

2005-08-19T01:31:00.000+08:00

I went out sourcing for purple T-shirt for the performance later at Gotham Penthouse. Headed back to school for lab session of Computer Programming. I hate this module now. I used to love them but I realised I can never excel in it. Nonetheless caught up with the rest of my dance mates after that before we headed to Clarke Quay MRT.

I realised quite long before that, that I forgotten to bring my adidas suit for the performance. My poor mum had to meet me at Clarke Quay to do so.

We all headed to Gotham Penthouse after that. We had 2 performances to do and after that we went home..

I shared taxi cab with Jiang Hao .. reached home close to 1am bah..gosh..

2005-08-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

I headed to school for one hour maths lecture. They was to be a make-up lesson for Electronic Communication held at S476 as well. I attended it but never paid much attention. I decided to assist my friends with their HTML project after that. As a result they have to follow me go Ang Mo Kio and sourced for some new pants for myself. Haha!

They then headed home while I headed to school and catch up with the rest of my dancing peers for dance practice. There's Gothan Penthouse's performance tomorrow. So ..yeah.

Lot's of formation to be thought about and stuff. I scurried back home after that for fear I miss the last train. HeHe..

Damm exhausted after all that.. and there's school later on. Gosh.

2005-08-17T03:25:00.000+08:00

what have got into me? i'm hit by lot's of problems this few days. the problems that i'm facing is subtle enough to make me cry. i'm all stressed out now .. i have no idea why i brought myself into this kind of situation ...i really pray it won't get any worse..

firstly, i knew i spoilt my reputation as being a true friend. i knew i did something unforgivable & unpardonable. zong yan..., i'm really, really sorry.. i'm depending on my honesty in telling you what i did, i dare not lie. i rather have you hate me and not forgiving me for what i had done than having you forgiving me, then God knows what happen next. i'm sorry again ... hiks. =(

secondly, i knew i'd skipped several Maths lecture. Mum sent me a message on Monday that the math' lecturor advise me to come today or I'd risk getting kicked out of the course. I did not attend the lecture. The thing is, when Mum sent me that message, I never YET retrieved it because my HP's battery was flat and my charger was left inside the clubroom. I only get to know of it a few moments ago. When I saw that message, I was scared stiff. I've no idea why I terribly messing up my life this way. What does my future holds for me? I don't know what will happen to me next now .. I'll definately be attending a one hour maths lecture later on. i pray that i'll able to salvage any hope. i promise to attend the remaining lectures till examination. i really hope they won't kicked me out of the course. *sighs* ..

oh my God .. i'm crying now as i'm writing this.. it's entirely my fault that i'd gotten myself entangled in such situation. i can't afford to get kicked out now. i'm a son .. and i should be heralding a lot of responsibility.. and yet, i'm doing this to myself. gosh ...

who cares to give me a shoulder to cry on now...? :(

love, sad fir..

2005-08-16T10:33:00.000+08:00

i knew i did something unpardonable today. i'm real sorry about it. she shouldn't be forgiving me..... even if she does, i don't think i deserved it bah ...i'm literally put my friendship on the line...haix...

i'm finding means to punish myself now ........

2005-08-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

i meant to write this journal entry yesterday but i dropped dead the minute i came back home from camp. the camp was super tiring, i barely had enough sleep. imagine sleeping at 3++ am and having to wake up at 5.30am? craziness.

past few days starting from last friday, stagearts camp was held. i came to school with a huge bag. when people asked me what was it for, i would retortedly say, 'i'm running away from home lah'. lol.

first day of camp:

get to know the freshies' name a little better through the name game. it was game-playing after that. i don't remember the game's name but we had this raffia's loop tied to our hand and we get ourself tangled with the orders of number given to us. we had to entangle ourselve. after that was make-up workshop. it was fun and like they said the best of all the workshops held. jeremy was crazy man. he was made-up to be a rich tai tai with the wearing of boobs and the flashing of his sexy fat thigh! lol! as a group, my group won! heh.

second day of camp:

jolted up at 5.30AM. we had this discussion. i don't know. the word to describe it all would be 'enmity'. had a rather gruel physical training in the morning. we played captain's ball. i was like running around like mad. accidentally, i tripped one of my member who happened to be my oppononent, shawn. he had this ghastly blister on his right palm. i'm really sorry dude. after that was hip-hop dance workshop. after that, jeremy was spinning me like hell and it made me dizzy and felt like vomitting and i had to lay resting in one of the room. let me just fast forward to the drama workshop that we had at night. we were asked to think of a very sad moment and cry it all out. most of us cried, i was not spared either. what's my thought ? it's about the friendship i used to have.. it's true i still preserved that friendship but it was no longer like what it used to be in the past. i grew to realise how fragile friendship can be. i made one mistake and it all changed. as a result, tears dripped out of my eyes..

last day of camp:

we had drama performances and like always i sucked at it. will i ever excel in it? hmmph. It was fun though.

-End of SA Camp-

2005-08-11T22:57:00.000+08:00

I bumped into an article on 8 Days. It was interesting cum amusing. I fancied the writer, SY Wong's way of christening some Singaporeans, 'Local Kaypohs'. Depicting from the story, they are worse than the paparazzi. Paparazzi won't allow celebrities to have space for themselves but 'Local Kaypohs' won't even allow the DEAD to rest in peace. If you'd read newspapers on Huang Na & Liu Hong Mei's gruesome murder, you'll get the picture. I hope searching for 4d's or asking for the coffin of the dead to be opened for public display rang a bell or something. Barbaric people, sighs.

I overslept and assumed I missed 2 hours of Semestral Project but words were articulated to me that the lecturer was absent. I attended my tutorial for Internet Computing and Computer Programming's lab session. I spent some time at the clubroom choreographing for my Solo Dance Competition at Suntec. I was ravely given reviews and advises. Thanks to Josh and one malay guy which I forgotten his name. I'm working hard now for it.

I rushed home to view 'Potrait Of Home'. I'm kind of dejected that I won't be able to view tomorrow's episodes.

For you guys' information, I'll be having StageARTs' camp on Friday. It will end on Sunday. So, the journal entries will be voided for sometime. Forgive me.

Know what? I'm like trying to abstain myself from love, that includes having crush and stuff as well. I'd done that and was comfortingly used to it before but now, I don't know, you tell me.

P.S. Let me just make some corrections on my earlier journal entries. Yes, she's cute and that's all to it.

2005-08-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

I decided to trash my journal entry before I bath. So here we go..

Woke up at 11AM and gave Belinda a buzz. I asked whether she wants to meet me to eat dinner before the dance practice commence. She said ok. I was still tired and sleepy and decided to sleep as much as I could. I decided to reach school at 5.30PM. We ate at Food Junction. Stupid Belinda claimed that she's not hungry. Defeated the purpose but I still had my bowl of yummylicious laksa nonetheless! I was disappointed that we won't be using the dance studio, instead we used E313. Shocked to see quite a lot of freshies already arrived to practice.

My legs were trembling all over when doing the stretching exercises. Will I ever be flexible like Zelia dear? Hee. Ok, it was made known that I'll be doing solo for the upcoming Suntec Dance Competition. But it really scares me. The thought of Terrence or Raizan kind of hindered me! Haha! But I'll try nonetheless. Like they said, the magical word, 'EXPOSURE'. Wish me good luck!

We all headed off at around 10PM, surprisingly early. Zee, Me, Yee Shan, Katherine, Belinda all walked the same MRT's direction. Had a little chat with my junior, Katherine along the way. She stayed at Bukit Batok. I must get used to taking MRT towards Choa Chu Kang since I'll be moving in a couple more days.

Oh God, I hate having to shed my good ol' image, literally! Haha! Mum called me to buy dad a cigarrete. So, I alighted at Clementi MRT station and head to 7-11 to buy one. Being a small boy that I am, I had to show my IC! Sheesh!

Ok, till here folks. I'm 'hot' and I need to go and bath. So peace! =P

P.S. She's cute .. La La La.. Oh My God... Haha!

2005-08-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

it's a national day. my coursemates and me decided to view the fireworks display. after much discussion, one could go, the other had to go home early. in the end, we cancelled it off. i decided to take a nap before the television telecast the live National Day Parade. a call from belinda kind of startled me. we decided to meet at City Hall's MRT Station at 6.45PM. know what? i was like rushing to take the MRT when it was it slated to arrive in 1 minute. I was panting! Haha! Needlessly, I got in.

Since there was a crowd, Belinda and me had trouble locating each other. I met her friends. All of them were from NYP. Sorry guys, I could only remember Catherine's name. She's from StageARTs. Haha! The other 2 guys, so sorry! We headed to Esplanade. There was a graffiti paper of some sort. We made our presence known by signing off as StageARTs. We then headed to the bay. Waited anxiously for the fireworks to be displayed and when it did, magificent I tell you. I'll post some pictures. Sorry for the lack of quality. Hello ? It's a Panasonic X66. After that whole thing, we scrambled our way out towards The Padang. We sat somewhere and I strutted off my dance steps. Haha! Boo! We headed to City Hall MRT station to meet up with their friends. I saw Nizam too. I was hungry and we decided to eat at Burger King. It was only after that, that we decided to go home.

I made new cool friends, it's like as if I know them all my life. Haha! Peace you'll. Feast your eyes on the pictures!

Sorry Belinda! Your pretty cheek cut off! Haha!

Sorry about the tree!!!

Stupid Belinda's face! =X

New found friend, Katherine from StageARTs.

2005-08-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

It's ghosts' month for the chinese. As of this typing, there are sounds of cymbals clashing and beating of drums. They are generated from the lion dance troupe that are parading across the road near my house. I believe they are driving the ghosts' spirit away according to their customs.

I have something to rejoice to today. I gotten myself a grade 'B' for Electronic Circuit Analysis' paper. I believe there's 4 in our class who gotten themselves an 'A' and there were only 2 who gotten a 'B'. It's quite an achievement for me. I predicted it but I never thought I would get that. Besides, some of my course mates were doubtful of me in the first place. They knew I was always busy before this getting myself caught up with dancing and stuff but I managed to get that result. They looked down on my ability. Oh well, at least I still possesed friends who believe in me. I'm so glad and of course, I wouldn't have done it without the assist from The One above us all, God. Praise Him.

I want to spend some time contemplating on a new website. It's been ages since I last attempted on it. What I have been doing all this while was just purely blog-based. I want to come out with website similar to http://pootato.org just to name an example.

P.S. Before I forget, Happy National Day my beloved Singapore! Love you! Peace!

Love, Lil Fir

2005-08-07T03:51:00.000+08:00

i reached school on the dot 1.30PM for dance practice and boy, I didn't expect to see a lot of freshies attending. that's saturday for you. my God. Norish' choreography is the hardest one I've yet to learn. It was fast, faster than the earlier B.I.T.T.Y. that we did for graduation nite. nonetheless, as usual, dance was fun. i mingled with the freshies a little more.

me, zee, yee shan and anselm stayed for quite a long bit before we head to ang mo kio to have our dinner. we had our long conversation about religion. i headed home after that.

sorry for short entries, too tired. Hee..=P

P.S. To Belinda. If you're reading, I hope you're ok and be able to solve your problem ASAP. =) Remember, Cutey Lil Fir at your service if you need a listening ear. =) Take care!

Love, Lil Fir

2005-08-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

insufficient sleep had taken it's toll on me. i just hope i don't get to the point whereby i would suffer from psychological disturbance or something.i decided to sleep at 3am. before that, i set my handphone's alarm to ring me up at 6am. when it jolted me at that time, i was feeling very sleepy. i decided to go back to sleep and put a heck-care sign towards computer programming test later in the afternoon. i somehow managed to subconciously encourage myself. it won't kill to do a little bit of revision. before i knew it, i sprang out of bed, cleanse my sheepish face and flipped through my lecture notes.

mum went and checked the new house for availabity of water and power supply. it's going to be sometime before my bedroom is installed with airconditioner. i reached school at around 1.30PM. i met zong yan to hand her back her earpiece. i then blasted off to my common test's venue. i'm full of admirations for myself. i'm not thick skinned. i practically bothered to scrutinize and stare longingly at each single questions i attempted. boy, i should garner some awards or something ?! HeeHee!

i initially thought i would head home alone but i met my coursemates who left earlier at the platform of yio chu kang mrt. i decided to follow noe noe who wants to go to her auntie's house and retrieved something which i have no idea what it was. her auntie's house is located at Kovan. truthfully, i don't know that place existed. call myself singaporean and a frequent MRT user. Gee. I was in a generous mood. I treated both Noe Noe and Din to ice creams and KFC's meal. Oh boy, don't come running after me for one! I'm broke now!

I decided to consume my meal fast for I needed to reach home by 7PM to watch my favourite chinese serial. I was like telling Noe Noe that if I never reached at that time, something would happen to her. I've no idea what actually. Empty threatens. Hah! I can't help but stare at Bao Bei's character whenever she appears. Her eyes and lips are pretty mesmerising. Hey Lil Fir! Hold on to your horses!

I switched on to Channel U and watched that 8.30PM show for the first time. It involved one of my dear. I won't say it here. I'm protecting her privacy. She suffered enough, she should'nt be suffering no more. *Hugs* for you dear!

Guess what, I just had one of the most shocking moments in my life a few moments ago. When I opened my refrigerator, a small cockroach dropped out of the blue in front of me. Shock is probably too mild a word. I'm flabbergasted! I nearly had a heart attack. Ok, that was exaggeration.

i'm pretty much at ease now since common test is over but anxiously waiting for the results. blog some other times. peace, no war!

love, lil fir

2005-08-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

I rose from the dead pretty late today. I immediately knew that there was to be a StageARTs' Make-Up practice later on and the clubroom's key was in my dominion. I had to hand in my indemnity form for the upcoming StageART's 2005 Camp anyways so I headed down and reached school at around 2.30PM. Fellow StageARTers, Farhana came peering inside the clubroom for my whereabout when I'm outside witnessing an event. A crowd was singing the birthday song and I have no idea for who or what. I passed the key to her. I rested quite a bit at the clubroom before my mother cued for me to go to my next destination, my new house situated at Choa Chu Kang.

We initially tried to get there by foot from Choa Chu Kang MRT until we finally decided to take taxi. My bedroom appeared small to me but nonetheless I'm contented. As long as they installed the aircon which they are not able to do so in my current house, I'll be glad. I can't work in such environment, that explains why I kind of decline in my study. Excuses..Heh! I was handed the task of removing the chinese sign thingy that's attached above my new house's front door. Though it was not daunting, I hope it's not wrong to do so. It's replaced by my religion's sign. There was no power and water supply and we had to wait till tomorrow for it be be resumed. It was freaking hot. I was thinking to myself how am I going to lay the stuff at my bedroom because it's not rectangular in shape. It's shaped like one of the aeroplane's fin.

After that, we went on to survey the place surrounding my flat. Timbang Shopping Centre is some walking distance away. I had my lunch at the Macdonald's. Mum's headed to NTUC to buy some groceries and I waited outside. I was reading the newspaper on articles related to the banning of smoking in many places that include hawker centre and guess what happened? Out of the blue, cigarrete ashes fell on the newspaper from above. I looked up and no one was there. I'm freaking pissed. Whoever that guy/lady was, is an asshole. I mean it!

I forgot to mention that my relative was there with us too. They drove us around to see what bus we could take to the interchange so when I finally moved there, I would be familiarised by then. Lot 1 was 2 bus stop away and there is the Community Library as well so it would benefit me in a way.

My relative dropped us at Chinese Garden and we headed home from there. I was 15 minutes late to watch my favourite chinese show. Baobei aka Mermaid did not appear though. *Cries* She's so bloody cute! Haha. I hope Belinda not reading this because I used the word 'bloody'! *Laughs*!

I've no mood to study for Computer Programming. I just can't seem to excel in it. See ya guys!

2005-08-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

I know. I'm kind of breaking my promises but hey, I don't suppose I made one in the first place. Besides, this is my journal entry so..

Reached school at around 12PM and head to the library to do some revision for the test at 4.30PM. I was kind of rushing the paper but that's what suppose to be done since it's only one a half hour paper and speed is important. I don't have time to be prudent and all..I'm aware that I made mistake but I hope it's not that much ..

There was dance practice at 7PM. The attendance was ok-ok. Reached home at around 11.30PM. My contact lenses can't take aircon. Everytime I'm in an airconditioned-place, my contact lenses will be blurry. Like OMG ..

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-31T22:54:00.000+08:00

For those avid readers of my blog; as if there are, are there? Anyway, I won't be blogging from Monday to Friday. Common test's studying will be draining my brain juices and time so .. Yeah.

Miss you all. =)

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-31T05:33:00.000+08:00

Been squeezing juices the hell out of my brain before this. I was studying and suddenly a piece of thought just popped out of my mind. I had to express it and my journal entry had to be the victim. Boy, I'm one carnage. I know almost immediately that I should have had this thought way before.

Looking back, I hope whatever I'd done was deemed right. To love is to let go. I did that. The only difference? She wasn't mine in the first place. It's good in a way. But sadly, this scenario give birth to a rather unfavourable consequences. Like they say, you gain some, you lose some. While all that take place, I was putting friendship right on the edge of a very high cliff. A slight push and it will fall. It's true, my friendship was saved and did not fall but it's traumatised. Traumatism takes forever to heal. Put it my way, the friendship we had was never like before no matter how hard you tried to alter it, it would never be the same.

Sometimes, I fear what she might thought of me and at the same time, I believe she doesn't because I would want to think of myself as a rather unique being. I'm pretty much sure that I'm not like most boys she would encounter around. I have my own specialties. I'm not being ostentatious but it would hurt me deeply if she thought of me otherwise.

I shan't go on. I don't want to worry anymore those close to my heart.

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-30T19:53:00.000+08:00

This is kind of a haste entries. Pardon me for that first. I've to really get back to the path of studying for my common test.

I woke up feeling rather half-dead at 9.15AM. I got myself ready to head to school for StageARTs Drama & Dance practices. It was about to rain but we held the practices at the Dome nonetheless. We had voice projections and character potrayal without the aid of dialogue. There was general meeting after that to discuss about the upcoming StageARTs Camp 2005.

Dance practice was fun but the room was rather small to fit us all. It was cramped. The dance studio was used.

After that, me, yee shan, zelia and belinda went to ang mo kio to eat before we headed home. belinda had to meet her friends at Bugis for some dance thingy I guess .. and I'm here ..anxious if I could have the mood to study well or not .. Sheesh. See ya.

Love, Lil Fir (I don't know..don't ask..i love signing off like that! Haha!)

2005-07-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

Barely had enough sleep. Just a mere 4 hours. I had to meet Jiang Hao to take taxi with him at 5.45AM but he asked me to go first. I didn't know it would only take 15 minutes to reach school and so I reached at 6.00AM. Oh my God! I can still afford to wait for him as he just woken up when he called me at that time. Haha! I could have even taken MRT and reach there on time. But even if I were to reach on time, they wouldn'nt! Urgh.. What luck! Being punctual doesn't help! Haha ..

I was sleepy. We waited for sometime for the dance studio to be opened. We get ourselves clad in that orange and white and black for the girls suit. They weren't much people viewing us as expected. Anyways, it-was-a-last-minute-director-let-us-perform-thingy .. so yeah. There was to be another performance after that in about 3 hours time. We took our breakfast and slept while we can. I didn't have the mood to study. Sighs. The second performance was much better than the first I presume.

After the whole thing, me, zelia and yee shan practically sleep inside the clubroom almost whole day. We decided to do some dancing in the evening at around 7PM. We choreographed a little bit. Went home after that and the clock read 10PM. I can't believe I spent approximately 16 hours in school! Imagine that! Haha...

2005-07-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

*Scratch* *Scratch* *Scratch*

Yes, I been doing that for a few moments now and I am still at it. I'm persistently stubborn at not wanting to see a doctor. Don't pester me to do so.

I'm going to cite about yesterday. A few of us were practicing for the graduation nite until around 5.30PM when that news broke out that we won't be performing. Frankly speaking, I was happy about it. Of course, I wouldn't show, duh. They were going on and on about it. The good things is that we're able to keep the costume that were sponsoredly bought by us. Anyways, it was one of the SAO's staff that broke the news to us. Most of them were sad about it. We spanned our attention towards Suntec City Dance Competition. Who's to be in which group that kind of thing. They urged me to do solo but I suppose I'm not at that level yet. I want to compete in a group. We all went and picked our clothes and went home after that.

Woke up the next day at 12PM. I read the tagboard message via my blogsite and was shocked to learn that graduation nite will be ON. Like OMG .. What the hell are the directors doing? I almost forgot that there would be some form of meeting. It's by a staff from VSA. I forgot what it stand for but it's an organisation looking after the specially disabled person. We going to be holding a workshop outside Dhoby Ghout MRT station a day after my birthday, oops! We planned what is to be done in the workshop and the performance bearing in mind that they are disabled person. We should be catering them in some ways or another.

After the meeting, it was just purely practicing and practicing. I had to sneak in between times to do a little bit of studying on my own. I was exhausted at the end of the day.

Oh yeah, before I forget, I was reading an article on Times about SarongPartyGirls. Let them do whatever they want to do. If they want to showcase their openness, sex life, whatever, let them do so. I believe they're really educated person and able to handle it themselves. Even though I believe real educated person shouldn't be doing that. But there's admiration in that as she's being herself. Unlike some people. I won't mention names, it's not like I know them either but I believe such homosapiens do exist. I'll stop here, I have to be waking up early later to reach school at 6.30AM. Craziness but yeah ...

Special message for my true friend, Zong Yan aka Zhu :)
Didn't want to disturb you doing your assignment. Don't sleep so late ok? Always your dear dear! =)

2005-07-26T01:06:00.000+08:00

It's 1.06am and I just completed my bath thinking that I would feel refreshed but no, I'm fucking wronged at that. I'm so sorry, please pardon my atrocious language. I knew I would accummulate problems.

Like for example today, I head to school to do some studying with my friends for the upcoming common test. But to tell the truth, I'm struggling with it and the lack of coldness from the library's aircon made it even worse. I didn't know I had make-up lesson for Electronic Circuit Analysis till my coursemate told me. After the lesson, I went back to the library, this time around, in the other section which was where I usually locate myself. More or less get things absorbed into my head but it was not much frankly speaking. It was on my own accord that I did not come for dance practice even though Graduation Nite will be on this Thursday and yeah, I purposely did not want to take up any of those fucking calls. Haha. Josh labelled me irresponsible .. so fucking be it.

I headed home instead and watched my favourite chinese show, Potrait Of Home before I resume with my studies.

Anyways..I'm really fucking shock that my fucking itch is fucking not gone yet. OMG..

I'm real real sorry ... about my language today .. Don't mean it.... I'm freaking stressed........................

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-23T23:53:00.000+08:00

Gasp! I'm so sorry for not filling you guys up with updates of my journal entries for the past few days. I was either too tired to do so after a hard day at school with the Graduation Nite's practices ongoing or simply too lazy.

Oh yeah. I had to comment about the moon yesterday. I'd been to caught up with the fast-paced school's life that I neglected mother nature quite a bit. I was walking home when I saw that full moon beautifully floating majestically across the sky. Frankly, I've never seen a moon appearing that big before. It felt so near and it was so eye-serenading bright. It can only do one thing to me which is to strengthened my love towards God. I've been duly blessed by Him. He blessed me with wonderful people that impacted my life and for that, I'm truly grateful. I do not have to mention names, they should know who they are. Thanks for accepting me the way I am. At times, all I can afford to give is nothing but myself. I shall always pray for their happiness and well being. From the bottom of my heart, I truly love you all..

Let me cite about the happenings today. I initially woke up at 8AM but decided to sleep till 11PM. I got myself ready to go to school for rehearsal. I promised to meet my dear dear, Zong Yan too to help her out with her assignment. In the end, I can't help much due to me having to switch between dancing and helping her. I still can afford to help you dear dear, just call me if you needed me to. I decided to go and view the Remix Competition at Youth Park with Zong Yan before I head to join Zelia & Co. for SAJC's performance at Kallang Theathre. I met up with her friends one of which I get to click with well. He hailed from the same primary school as me. What a small world. Tragically, I can't view the the competitions as it was to be started at 6.30PM(unlike what that pig told me) and I had to reach Kallang MRT by 6.45PM. I've meant to punished her to walk me towards the MRT! Haha! I could have watched the first group dancing which was Ariel's but too bad. Zelia's and Co. came at around 7PM. I have to say the performances at Kallang Theatre was cool especially the break dances moves. Other than that, it was Salsa, Ballet and stuff.

Co-incindentally, I realised that Dawn was from SAJC I believe. I saw her but was too shy to say hi. Feel like piak-ing myself! Haha!

I went back home with Belinda. I so love teasing Belinda! Haha! So fun to do so!

Woo. The common test is like 7 more days from now and I've not started serious studying. God. Peace ya'll.

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-20T23:22:00.000+08:00

Upon reaching Yio Chu Kang MRT Station, I stumbled upon Zelia, Rashidah & Ganga. They were about to go to City Hall to buy the costume. I decided to follow them. The Adidas shop that we intented to go to was close. We made a wasted trip. But nonetheless, we searched for some alternatives which was the white jacket and orange T Shirt.

We started the rehearsal by 2.30PM. It was viewed by the school's directors. Our first rehearsal sucked to be honest. We got our gear up during the second time we rehearsed it in front of those important people. It was StageARTS general meeting after that. We discussed about the StageARTS camp which is upcoming and many other events.

After that meeting, there's a meeting that involve the committee for the Orientation Nite. I had no idea that meeting was to be held and boy .. did it turn out to be one emotional sessions for me. I cried ok ... I never thought I would in front of them ... but I did ...But at the end of all ..it's one learning experience for me ...

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

This column is so dedicated to my dearest dear dear, Zong Yan! It's her birthday .. So dear dear ... =P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!!!

I might not be someone whom you call your true friend .. But I'm very the sure you are to me and I would like to think so. If true friend is not enough, then a special friend you are to me!!! HeeHee.. Don't be so troubled by your current problems..Must enjoy your birthday ok ok ? I promise a gift soon .. muahhaha =P take care ah dear dear =) *muuuahz*

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

alrightey guys. i'm gonna make this short as possible. i'm in a haste to leave for Bugis in a while.

had a so called 'intensive' dance training for the upcoming Graduation Nite. Haix. Events after events. I'm quite tired after the Orientation nite. Left for Bugis at 3PM. Saw several performances. Zong Yan's performance at 7PM was awesome. Hehe. Great job Zong Yan! Foreign Bodies performed too.

I didn't say much to her though she's leaving tomorrow. As of now .. I don't feel any emotions. Maybe it's a good sign but you'll never know ... Hope she have a wonderful journey home .. Take care aight dear .......

2005-07-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

Sunday. Instead of spending time resting at home doing some revision, I had to go out with a couple of dancers to source for suits for the upcoming Graduation Nite. I should'nt have come early in the first place knowing that people would simply just come late! Nonetheless the three of us(Ganga, Me & Amy) who arrived first went to eat at KFC. Anselm came soon after. Rene, Zelia and Yee Shan met us outside the Burger King at Bugis Village. I don't want to cite the long process of sourcing for the damm thing. It took us freaking 8 hours roaming Bugis, Toa Payoh then back to Bugis but yet we still have not decided entirely.

Before we splitted, out of the blue, I just decided to give dear dear Zong Yan a surprise by calling her. Me, together with them, sang the happy birthday song aloud to her. Hope she would be touched enough to learn that StageARTs does still have her in their mind. But then again, it doesn't matter where she is as long as she's happy and enjoying life.

My legs' aching from walking too much...

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

My legs' aching from walking too much...

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

I would gladly classify today in my life's recorded history as one of the most memorable day I ever had. Put yourself in my shoe and you would feel just that. Yes, I shed tears but they were tears of joy. I've never regretted joining StageARTs and never will I. This club took control of my heart and soul.

I reached school or rather the clubroom at 9.30AM. I was second to Ariffah's arrival. We started gearing our arse up by decorating the room E308. Moving the stage was a rather painful one. Consequently blistering the palm of my hands.

At 1PM, I busied myself by literally running around the whole school just to get a picture of me, zong yan & hana printed. At the end of it all, I got myself a large picture instead. So embarrasing! Haha! Purposely held Zong Yan up so that Hana could reached to us. It's great to see us three united again. We sang birthday song for Zong Yan, feed each other the cakes & snap a few pictures. I'll truly cherished that moment. I love you both. =)

After that, I and Hana got ourselves busy by helping the rest of the StageARTs members. It's momentarily before the Orientation Nite finally started. I'm sure I acted well but we screwed up the dance section. We did an encore though, this time, it was much better. I love Senior's play. Towards the end, where the touching scene is, that where's I nearly shed tears. Dance performance at the end of the day, we really did it with a BANG!

Debrief session. I don't really know how to describe. It's like a strength being divinely sent to me in a way. I had the courage to say what I said during that session. I thought of it as a way to sort of salvage our friendship. No, it's not like .. our friendship is coming to an end or something, it's far from that. We're very good friends. But I believe, neither she nor me could deny that it wasn't like we were before.

Being an imperfect person like everyboduy else, I made that fateful mistake. It's doesn't cost me dearly, but it's enough to make me feel depressed ..

We had a makan session at Ang Mo Kio. I reached home at around 11.45PM.

2005-07-14T23:53:00.000+08:00

Oh boy. Another journal entry. Torturing myself in a way! HeHe..I skipped Semestral Project Lab Session but I went for a tutorial class and the Computer Programming Lab. After that, it was just practice and practice and practice for the Orientation Nite.

I went home with Belinda today. But unluckiness struck me! I thought I had the last train but there was none to bear me from Jurong East to my home station! Grrrr!!! I took taxi and had to ask my mum to come down pay the bill as I've insufficient money. =X And the time was like 12.30AM ?

I reached home at around that time. Gosh ...

2005-07-13T23:56:00.000+08:00

Ok. Kind of pissed. Why? I typed so long an entry for yesterday's(Wednesday. I don't know multiply's date just don't synchronise.) journal only for it not to be processed by multiply! The worst thing? I never copied it! Grrrr...

So basically, I'm rewritting that entry and it's not easy for me mind you. I don't have that good a memory like what my dearie, Zelia have .. Hahax!

An array of activities promised. I reached clubroom on the dot 11AM. Greeted by Nas and there was on the chair, Ian from Foreign Bodies napping. The way he napped tickled me. Haha! I was lethargic too and hadn't had enough sleep before that, so I myself went and assault clubroom's bed. There weren't a lot that were presence at that moment. We had a trial run at around 12PM under the scorching fiery hot sun. My body was soaked with perspirations. We had a long break after that since the actual thing would be at around 5.30PM. We practiced for the upcoming Orientation Nite and I took some naps in between. Step Up was great, we really got the crowds groooooving to us.

After Step Up, we busied ourselves with the drama and dance rehearsals. I went off early as compared to my other practicing day. I was nursing an itch practically everywhere of my body and there's one wound at the upperside of my left foot. It's apparently 'poisoned' by the sock I wore.

That's about it ya'll .. Peace!

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-12T23:03:00.000+08:00

i won't bother to type real English ... too tired to do or think.

mixture of moods was what i felt today. i honestly skipped the 2 hours math lecture early in the morning. i can't seem to wake myself up. i was simply exhausted after whatever happened the day before. i went for my lab session at 12 though. after that was just lectures. i skipped night classes to practice for my Orientation Nite. I felt bad about it man .. Haix ..

after the whole thing. just went home uh. and er ... i didn't expect to do what i did before i reached home .. i let out tears.. but it's not as bad as before.. i'm in a 'i thought i have but i'm wrong' conditions ..if you get what i mean. she's probably trying to do what i'm doing too. i wished her all the best nonetheless...

shall end here ..lil fir dies of itchiness..

2005-07-11T23:20:00.000+08:00

The rate at which I'm living my life almost everyday is pretty much alarming. I'm constantly reaching home close to midnight or after it and having to wake up early the next morning for school. Today was no exception. I reached home at 12.10AM and my lesson will commence at 8AM later. School's hectic and the upcoming StageARTs' events will simply be piling my burdens up. I'm worried sick as there will be common test to sit for one month from now.

Talking about test, I sat for 'Appreciation of Life Sciences' test at around 1PM. It was an open book test but it's not all easy as just flipping the pages and finding the freaking answers. I had to put it in my own words. My English is atrocious, having a mere C6 for it during my 'O' Levels. During lecture, I just tried to absorb as much as I could. Darn, I skipped the following lecture but I forgot to SCAN my card! Gosh!

Learnt new choreography for the upcoming Orientation Nite via Josh. It was reggae-oriented. On top of that, there was also Step-Up moves to memorise. My mind can explode anytime soon. To make matter worst, I was nursing a headache. There were drama rehearsal after that too. God, please have mercy on me. =(

Before I forget, it's my father's birthday. I sent him an SMS wishing him. I hope he's touched somehow. He's not really a celebrate-birthday kind.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

Upon reaching home, I scampered for the toilet. While I was doing business, I was flabbergasted. Almost half of my left thigh is reddish as a result of the itchiness which have not really subsided.

There's Orientation practice later in the evening and I probably have to skip my night classes. Gosh .. I need some sort of encouragement now .. Whoever can give me that ..? I'll really appreciate it ..

Love, Lil Fir ..

2005-07-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

i admit, i've been sensationally lazy at not updating my journal/blog entries for the past two days. please do accept my utmost sincerest, deepest and heartfelt apologies! it's inevitable i supposed that i'd gotten myself tangled with so many and i do really mean SO MANY upcoming events. let me be frank, i do want to escape from it sometimes.

so, today was so-so and so it seemed.(i swear i've never abused the word 'so' that much!). head to school for drama rehearsal. i had no lines but i had to act as that specie known as Thingmajigadong! Have fun pronouncing that! The dance section of that play is not completed yet. the whole process of that rehearsal was tedious and i just want to get over it fast like i always did.

severals of us lazed at the clubroom after that talking about issues that frankly speaking, i'm uncomfortable with. i wished i could be as open and knowledgeable as them but haha .. i've not enough experiences in life to do so. they were talking about sex ..bla bla bla. and i had to be asked if i'm a virgin. of course i am!!! =P

we headed to causeway point after that. zee and yee shan played that DDR game. after that, anastacia and annur went off home. the three of us head somewhere to eat, Yoshinoya. we thought of our choreography for the orientation nite. tell the truth, i'm in a blur mode man. head home soon after ..

love, lil fir

2005-07-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

I woke up with all the itches still intact. Freaking hell. My mum decided to change the mattress and put detol on it. My mum bought me the itch lotion but it did not help at all! As I'm typing this, I'm scratching the hell out of me ..

I went to Jurong Point's 77th Street today. I got myself a purple & white yankee cap and a purple bandana. Gosh .. I'm getting so purplish nowadays. Haha! Looks cool on me though! Head to school for the orientation's meeting. I was much focused and intending to really help! =X

So many things will be hitting me soon. Orientation Nite, Graduation Night, Step Up & Suntec's Performance! Plus..EXAM! God..have mercy on me...=( I don't seem to be cheery .... i'm moodless most of the time..Felt like crying sometime ..

I'm handed the task of mixing and burning the graduation nite CD. Hey guess what...We are to be sponsored $1000 to buy suits for that event! We were like whoa!!! HeHe..

Me, Zee Dear & Yee Shan .. stayed back for a little while and choreographed our new sets of steps to Ciara - 1,2 Step . We were tired of the usual steps... I reached home at around 11.50PM .. and immediately do my graduation's nite task uh .. That's about all huh ..?

As of now .. I'm scratching myself till it bleeds ... I just hope I don't bleed to death ..

2005-07-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

Whoa! You wanna know how I felt like today? A father who has tonnes of story to tell his son. Ok, that was pure exaggeration. So yeah! David Beckham visitted my school, Nanyang Polytechnic. The place was simply packed with frenzy crowds. Like duh?! It's David Beckham!! I know we should'nt encourage idolism and worshipping of a man but he's just phenomenal.

Excuse letter was given to my lab lecturer and I headed to atrium at 1PM. To my astoundment, my dear, Hana was still at home. I told her to hurry or we won't get any seats. It was hard for her to get her way to us, like a plight of sardines trying to get it's way out. Ironically, she went in first with the rest before me because I had to find a lanyard! The guard at the entrance was arrogant and a bastard it seems to me as not to let me in just because I don't possesed that plastic thingy! Filled with desparation, I urgently called that stupid Liyana asking her for one or whoever had one. In the end, it was a combination of Rene's and Mina's help getting me 'it'.

The seats were filled fast and we had to sit behind. All waited anxiously for his arrival and when he did, immediately drama was initiated. One hell of a brave guy went up to him and asked for his autograph. He was pulled away but David Beckham sportingly signed his autograph to the applause of the audiences. He proudly flaunt it, crazy guy!

Everytime his name(David Beckham) was mention, pandemonium broke out. There were flashes of the camera everywhere even though we were forbidden to do so. That's the effect David Beckham can conjure up with. He was to award a commendation to Victoria Quek for her humanitarian effort.

There was also a talk by our very own Khoo Siew Choo. The first Singaporean to to conquer Mount Everest and both the South and North Pole. It was a motivational talk. We wished him all the best for his upcoming challenge, swimming the English channel.

Beside the Beckham and Mr Khoo thingy, another opportunity was granted to me, to be able to conversate long with my dear :) A lot of stuff was conversated. But I do want to believe that she might be hiding stuff from me .. :( Oh well .. Why do the people close to my heart hiding stuff from me .. ? =(

After the whole thing ended, dear had to go out with her friends and it was just back to square one for me. I had lecture. I did not pay attention at all for that one. I had night classes too.

Once again, my itch has not subsided. It seem to just get worst by the minutes. Goodness..

This is another long journal that I could conjure up with! I'm pretty amazed with myself. Besides..I'm sure it would 'satisfy' my dear Zee reading pleasure!! Hehe.. *mwakz* zee dear =)

Love, Lil Fir

2005-07-04T22:24:00.000+08:00

nothing much, it's another school day.

except for the itch i'm suffering from. it's been what? 1 weeks ++ ? gosh..it's such a torturement. i wished i have the itch powder my dear, hana gave me. and urgh..i don't bother to go see doctor.

i thought itch would subside fast but grrr ... i'm seriously moodless..

love, lil fir

2005-07-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

I woke up at approximately 10am. i immediately knew i was late as there would be dance auditions to help out with and it would start at 11am. i decided to take my time though and reached school at 12.30pm. upon reaching, i only saw my batch of dancers. no freshies to be seen or for that matter, auditioned. they did not turn up, we were 'conned'.

there was a meeting to discuss about the upcoming orientation but i was simply in a heck-care mood about it. i was tight-lipped and occasionally chirped in. i knew i had to come out with a game associated with dance soon. how i wished i was not in that committee. i was half expecting the meeting to end fast because i can't wait to dance.

hana gave me a call asking if i'm coming for dance practice as she & belinda reached there first. she did not conversate much with me and i'm trying to figure out why or am i just being too sensitive ...?

by the way hana. i beg for your forgiveness. i think i've lost the itch powder you gave to me. i'm real real real sorry alright? i do really appreciate your gift.

truthfully, the dance choreography . ok, let me put it in a not-so-crude ways. i was demoralised when doing the dance steps, it's just sharp and it just doesn't flow, fullstop! don't come after me with question marks ok?

after dance, me, zee dear and yee shan spent some time at the clubrawl. we conversate about a lot of thing & some of the thing sadden me in a way as it involved someone who's so dear to me, a true friend. i felt bad about it..

we headed to causeway point. yee shan and zee dear pit their skills on DDR. They're real good at it. I was like telling them, I should have DDR game at home first, practice it, before I play it at the arcade. hee..

i bought a purple wristband at 77th Street to match with my suit. we bought some KFC's stuff and ate somewhere. the trio of us contemplate on our dance item for orientation. we were so eager to showcase what we're made off. we roughly got what we wanted to do. outside causeway point, there were some performances being held. the two guys blew us away with their juggling and daredevil balancing skills. we were bemused looking at their face expressions, it's just funny.

moments after, i hugged zee dear, crossed arms with yee shan and went home via the mrt. i never figure out i would write a journal/blog this long but what the heck! =P

Love, Lil Cutey Fir

2005-07-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

I watched Wars Of The World on my own today. It was awesome. Steven Spielberg's work just rocks. Dakota Fanning is such a cute and great young actress. I roamed around Orchard till I decided to head to Tiong Bahru Plaza to have my dinner. It was KFC. Missed the Cheese Fries. Been too dependent on Macdonald's! =X I bought foolscaps and a burning CD as I'm running out of it.

Fantastic Four shall be the next movie I'm going to watch. Jessica Alba! Here I come! =P~~

Shan't blog much. I'm weary. Hehe ..Ciaoz!

Love, Lil FIr

2005-06-30T23:04:00.000+08:00

had an e-quiz for computer programming 2 today & we were allowed to cheat! how cool is that? instead of learning about the 'pointers', we more like learning the art of cheating! haha! as a result, I got 95%!
my coursemate, liyana wasn't feeling well. she told me that she will take a blood test tomorrow. if it's positive, that have to mean, she's having a dengue fever. i fear i'm infected too because i went home with her. break the news to me alright .. pray for the best..

i came back to school at around 8PM to dance hip-hop with my dance mates. i met hana along the way. it's nice to have a conversation after a long time. but then, we ended up dancing hip hop at 9.30PM ? cuz, the jazz class conducted by Peter wasn't over then. Goodness! haha! during hip-hop, we learnt some choreos, i played a part in it. =)

belinda was asking me if my itch was ok and i was like .. yeah. then, i was like asking her, how you know about my itch?! hehe.. but then, i was wronged ah! i still feel itchy. i wished i'd brought home the itch powder hana gave! this is the 2nd time i forgotten to do so! gosh! forgive me dear! =(

i'm horrified .. to learn that zong yan closes her blog .. one thing less to read ...

I've lot of praises for the Lord =) Thing is back to what it was .. I'm so happy =)

But I'm not entirely happy ... One of my dear dear should know why ..

i realised .. i can never pry problems from you .. cuz you're always hiding it ..

Nonetheless..I'll pray ah ..for your well-being and everything ..

Love, Lil Fir

2005-06-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm quite puzzled. On my way home, I saw not one, not two but three people having a pole like thingy in their possession. I saw them separetely with one. I cant make out what it was. Is there some event going on? I've no idea ..

Am I sad? If I said I am, I would be lying but then if I said I'm happy, I would be lying too. Somebody please free me from my contradiction! I actually woke up early but then I slept back all the way till 12PM. Got myself ready to go to school and help with the dance audition. I supposed to be attending a meeting with the orientation's committee member. I did attend, but I was like in a heck-care kind of attitude about the thing. All I want to do was just dance. Finally talked to Wei Xiang uh?

Anyway, it was thoughtful and sweet of 'her' to come all the way down to pass me something. An itch powder and a bubblegum. My heartfelt thank you..

I've got nothing much else to say ..

Love, Lil Fir

2005-06-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

today was memorable!

I head to cineleisure orchard. first of all, I booked my tickets to catch the movie 'Batman Begins' at 4.20PM. I head to the ground level of Cineleisure to watch Ecko Hip Hop Festival. There were breakdance battles. Breakers doing their thing. I never really gotten the chance to really learn breakdance due to other commitments. I never watched much as I had the movie to catch. I did not went to the youth yarn thingy to support my fellow dance mates due to it. the movie was alright and had some few humour elements thrown in. I was expecting the movie to end soon so I could rush and view the Ecko Hip Hop Dance competition! Thank God though, it hadn't even started! They were all darn good especially B.A.D. Remix. Highlight of the show to me had to be the beatboxer man! God .. he was so darn good at it man. He beatboxed to many of my favourite songs and the vinyl and the scratches and all that. I was simply awed. *Kowtows*!

I'm sure everyone guessed right that B.A.D. Remix would win and they did. The emcee was so sarcastic and funny! Flirtatious too! Haha! Oh yeah .. I caught up with my dance khakis who were there, Zelia dear .. Yee Shan... Belinda ...Nas ...Jasmine(Frankly speaking, I never see you or remember you being around...ooops! but i got to know you anyways ..haha!) .

I'm actually brooding over something. I don't know. I love dancing. I wasn't part of the latest performance. Upsetted by it. I felt like my dance aspirations was tampared but .. nevermind. Truthfully, I've lot to learn about dance, I'm lightyears away judging by the performances I've seen by good groups. But why am I pressurised sometimes ? I don't freaking have dance experiences before this. I often imitate moves .. from my idols, that's all. I don't really have that much of a mind capacity that's able to catch dance steps fast simply because I only had been doing this since I've joined StageArts so don't pushed me too hard .. Like I say .. I'm still learning... I wasn't even given a platform to shine..There you go. My two pieces coz my 2 cent is free ..

I thought my itchiness was already at it's worst stage but it's getting even worser by the minutes. The itch powders my mum rubbed on my body for me doesn't help. Bathing for an umpteenth times doesn't even help either.

Hmm..I miss my dears. Hope they're doing fine. I observed Zong Yan is rather troubled but I feared asking her some questions sometimes. I don't want to trouble her or even burden her. I don't want her to feel that I don't trust her. I really do trust her ok . Don't get any wrong idea whatsoever. She's my true friend aka dear dear..=)

Anyways, on my way home from that outing in a bus, I was like thinking to myself. I realised most of the girls I ever fell for .. had 'na' in their name .. It's funny when I thought of it. Hehe .. Ok.. I'm crapping. Been a while since I last crapped. Hey .. I can be serious ok? =P

2005-06-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

today is the most tiring day of my life owing to the two performances we had before the auditioning of the freshies. it was jiang hao's day. he was touched and almost brought to tears when we, the mass of stagearters paraded ourselves and sing the birthday song, plus the cake of course. it was done in front of the many other people who were there too. happy birthday once again dude. =)

right after the performances, the dance department had to audition two batches of freshies. the response for auditions today was rather bad. we initially thought there would be an overwhelming response since it's a Wednesday. nonetheless, we continued our job. i was shocked, nas fainted in front of me. many of the stagearters came to her aid. i didnt know PMS could have that kind of effect on girls .. Felt for her. She was asked to rest at the clubroom. Hope she's feeling well now.

after the whole thing(auditions) ended, i just can't wait to get home. i was rather moody and head off home first before anybody. guess it's just me uh ..

argh. i hate this itchiness that had been violating my body for several days now and yet i did nothing about it. it's getting from bad to worst. the last time .. i experienced this , i tried bathing .. numerous times and it still does not help. sighs .. i hope i'll recover soon from it .. gosh..
ok lah .. lil fir signs off first kayz .. love u all .. muackz =)"

2005-06-21T23:42:00.000+08:00

ooooh. let me tell you something. i skipped mathematic tutorial today! *ooops* tell me who haven't skipped lectures before? i know it's wrong but i was too shagged to go to school early. besides, it's gonna be one hellish day. up till 9.30PM of lessons. i absorbed as much as my brain juices could.

today..kind of a lucky day for me aye? haha! get to see my dear dear zong yan twice in a day! =P it's gonna be so hard to see her nowdays uh .. we both caught up with our own thang. =) nevertheless as long as we hold true to our relationship, occasionally seeing of each other doesn't matter at all.

later on, got a performance. i'm so gonna faint ...

that's about all. muackz! see ya all!

Love, Lil Fir

2005-06-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

i'm going to try to make my long story as short as possible.

I rose from the dead at 8.15AM. Got myself ready to go school meet my coursemates. They promised to assist me in my Mathematics. They never assist me much but I appreciate it anyways.

Fast forward to the happenings at audition. I was assigned as runners and I also taught some dance steps together with Zelia, Jiang Hao and Nas. It was our first experience teaching a whole bunch of them. It was a challenge to us. I must say there are several who are good. There's a bit of screwed-up=thingy I suppose.

Debrief saw the weeping of my Zelia dear.. Felt sorry for her. It was understable. We all got stressed up even though it's only the first day. Hope we can do better for the consequent two days. Never got the change to comfort her.. hmph.

One last thing ... argh! I felt so violated. My body is itching most part of it. I cannot stand it.. It's killing me .. *Cries...* Must be my bed .. =(

Love, Lil Fir ..

2005-06-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

how's my day today? Let's see.. Well, I kind of ignored the SMSes that disrupted my sleep in the morning. Woke up at 10AM. After bathing and I started doing my Maths Tutorial. I struggled through it. I can't get the thang right. I seeked my friends' assistant. They agreed to help me tomorrow provided I teach Noe Noe for Internet Computing. I promised and it's a deal. I can't get the thing about Two Port Network for Electronic Circuit Analysis right. It kind of scares me when there's rumours that a lot of Year 2 students quitted as they found it to be so hard. But I told myself as long as I'm consistent and just do my work, thing's won't really have to turn out that way. I'm making the most out of every seconds that I have..

war of the world is so going be a great movie. i can't wait for it to be in theathre. steven spielberg's work are just magnificent and with tom cruise's pedigree, the movie is gonna be a big hit. but of course, i'm so certain that it cant beat my favourite movie of all time, Lord Of The Ring. Haha!

Rush Hour 2 was shown on TV. To be honest, I've never watched it but I'm a fan of Jackie Chan's moves and Chris Tucker's speeding bullet's mouth. They make a good action partner. I was laughing my ass through the whole show. =)

Oh my .. I so have a crush on Felicia Chin .. Hehe. I have a crush on her long time ago actually, but somehow it's re-ignited BIG TIME after watching the current show she's in 7PM on weekdays. she's just so cute !!! and her smiles...melts me. hehe.. i wish to meet her in person someday..

That's about all yeah.. Let me end with a friendship quote to show how much friendship really means to me ..

" If you were to compare Gold with Friendship, Gold is dirt. "

Peace!

Love, Lil Fir

2005-06-16T21:59:00.000+08:00

I'd somewhat an unpleasant start to today. Dawn is still far from drawing in when I suddenly rose up. The next moment, I was panting heavily as if out of breath. I was gasping for air and in the midst of, I was choking as well. I started praying within my heart for it to come to a half. Thank God. Momentarily after, I regained back what I thought might be gone forever. It was a shorl ordeal but I was whimpering with tears after it. This is not the first occurence. Bad luck or ominous some might say but I don't believe in it so I shan't divulge in it. Instead, I chose to believe that God's testing me. I realised I never valued life as much as I should and Him too. You don't really need someone's else lost to ignite that awareness in you. You should value yourself too.....

2005-06-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

Woke up early in the morning on a Sunday. I was asked by Michelle to come down to the cake shop(I forgot the full name of it) to work. Anyways, this job was recommended by an ex-primary schoolmate of mine, Shu Fen. We've never conversate with each other for a very long time since primary 6. I happen to see the bulletin board she posted regarding the workplace so I decided to give it a try. I learn the basic of cake assembling, packaging, bla bla bla.. I worked for a mind-boggling 8 hours today. It was tiring. It's a tough job but I'm rather determined. I want to fulfil a wish. =)

Oh, on my way to that workplace, I crossed path with an indian friend of mine. He was barely recognisable. I was horrified when I saw him with alot of scars on his chins, mouth. Gosh, he told me he had a motorcyle accident and I didn't know about it. I told him to take care of himself and becareful next time.

Like I said earlier in my previous journal entries, I'm kind of lagging behind in studies. I have to double up now. =|

Anyways, see my new blog layout ok? http://darkquest.blogspot.com

Love, Lil Fir

2005-06-11T11:25:00.000+08:00

Let me verify first that this is not part of the weird thoughts I have earlier posted on my previous journal.

I believe I'm not the only one having this thoughts and feelings. Somehow, I thought of it on my way back home. It's kind of sad. Truthfully, I'm a proud member of Enigma.(Might be changing name soon..). There's no other group I would love to be in. Simply said, I can't bear to do so.. Observe clearly, I believe there's nothing we've never gone through. Tears were even shed in the process. Those bonding sessions wrere simply priceless. We never qualify for the dancework's final but the friendships we had more than make up for it.

What happen to Enigma now..? it's breaking up .. How could we abandon our promise to get even better the next time round? i almost shed tears thinking about this you know .. haix..

2005-06-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

Summing it up in words, i don't even know what my real mood really was today.

Painfully skipped a day of school. I've lots of catching up to do. I reached clubroom at 9AM. I was third to arrive after Nas & Yee Shan. I help out in the booth a little. It was soon before our performance commence. I dont know, I just felt that I did not do myself justice with my dance steps. I don't want to pinpoint anybody though. Oh yeah .. I love my mum. She came all the way down just to bring my black short. Poor thing. I directed her to the food junction to buy some food before I rushed off to return to the rest.
We had a rather long de-brief. There was also some exchange of likes and dislikes of the seniors. We all jotted down on papers as instructed by them.

We rested quite a bit or maybe even had some bites before our 2nd performance of the day. It's for JAM & HOP. Ok the reception was kind of pathetic. StageARTS and FBodz were really kind of united. One weird thing happened..But I don't think I'll tell it here .. You have to ask me.. Specially whoever is dear to me. All I can afford to say is that, it made me really go into deep thoughts..

We had some photo taking sessions with the FBodz as well. It was crazy, literally tramping people. Haha. I hurt my leg in the process. But it was hella fun. As usual, dance like mad. Hehe..

P.S. To Zong Yan dear dear, thanks for the assurance alright? Anyways..i dont think i deserve the pay..after walking out working only one day. Hehe.. Hey, anyways also, good luck in your dance group thingy .. =) May you succeed with them all =) Take care ok? MIss ya

2005-06-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

i'm pretty much lethargic. so i ain't gonna type much. talking about typing, thank God, i can type now. My keyboard was screwed yesterday so I decided to just switch my computer off.

today was a pretty hard day for me. came as early as 9am to practice for clubcrawl tomorrow. in between, i slept quite a bit inside the clubroom. we tested the stage as well. i saw him and instantly, it reminded me of her. let you figure it out. at the end of the day, lot's of sweat was generated. i never felt so tired before. i left before everyone else ..

that's all ..

Love, Lil Fir ... dying..

2005-06-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

When was the last time I wrote thoughtfully? If you're an avid reader of my journal or blog. you would know. Let me say something though. I'm neither poetic nor a lyricist. Let's face it. My English need a lot of soul searching. Let's just say, I'm lightyears away from heralding a good command of the language. I don't make a good conversationalist. I would be a total failure when comes to Public Relations. I'm wondering if sociophobic would be inherent to me. What's with this pessimism Fir? Nah .. I'm just outlaying some flaws that I posseses just in case people do not notice. There are some who would simply make you felt inferior just because of those flaws. Of course, I'm fortunate enough to be blessed with those who just accept me the way I am. I have a lot of admirations for all this being, really..

Ok, let's dig into my daily happenings. It took quite some time to apprehend on the lost of my left-eye contact lense. I was simply tired the night before and hit the sack without peeling it off. It was nowhere to be found. Thank God, I have a pair left to last me for a whole month. When my mother bought it for me a few days ago, I was half-expecting it to be a coloured one. One of this days, I'll own one of my own. Can I have you people's opinion on the colour? Haha! I did tutorials on my Engineering Mathematics & Electronic Circuit Analysis. I also spent some time reading the Lord Of The Rings book.

Let's move on to Clubcrawl. I'm all geared up for it except that I reckon I don't have a dark purple and green suit. I'll have to buy it. It'll be a rather eventful upcoming week. Clubcrawl, NYP Idol, NYP Belle & Beau and Jam & Hop. All that within a span of two days. I'm all ready to drain my sweats out! =)
I've said this before. Admittedly, I'd been brooding a lot this past few days. I guess this is the consequence of leaving me all alone by myself, or even neglecting me. Almost the entire of my thoughts was about her. I know I should long banish this thoughts and I reckon some people would say it'll take time. But at this rate, will it ever? I mean, how could you ever forget someone who plays a large role in your life by simply being a good friend to you. It's simply amazing or should I say phenomenal, that one thing you did could change it's entire course. I hate having to literally lose a good friend this way .. I hate pretending nothing happens , I hate putting on a mask ..

I miss her so much and at time wonder how she's doing. I pray every night that guardian angels would protect her from any harm and that she would enjoy herself and be as happy as she had always been even through her saddest of days. Let me reiterate whatever I said earlier this morning. I might have shattered one of her wish to have me as a real goodfriend ..I'm real sorry for that. I'm determined to have a wish granted for her soon ..Let's just wait and see ..

Ok..I shall stop here.

2005-06-05T04:59:00.000+08:00

I supposed to do this entry before 12 midnight but I slept and it's now 4.58AM. So don't expect me to write real good journal entry. I'm kind of 'seh'. This time round, I really woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. I headed to school for dance.practice. I struggled abit I guess. Not sure of the dance elements but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon. I just had to add my own styles to it. Hee..And yeah .. today snapped some pic with my zee dear.. Hee..Tomato face =X we were cute!!!
Know what? I kind of think a lot this few nights. I never meant to do so. Truthfully, I miss her ..I pray almost every night for her safety..I wanted so much to see her again but somehow, something, somewhat, my mind, not my heart ..was reluctant to do so ..I know I might have shattered her dream of having me as a real goodfriend. But I hope to be able to grant one of her wish soon before her departure..
I think I'll be having a job real soon even through my school period. Hope it'll help me .. get that wish granted for her. Hee..=) Ok..I'm tired and gonna drop dead again soon .. Hee

2005-06-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

I did the most stupidest of things at the very first stage of the day. My loyal handphone's alarm woke me up at 6.15AM. Guess what I did? I was so tired and sleepy, I switched off the alarm and went back to sleep. Somehow, something jolted me up and when I looked out my window, it's morningly bright. Immediately, I uttered, "OH SHIT!" Looking at the time, it's reveals 6.53AM. I'm late as school start at 8AM and that darn place is an hour ride from here. Gosh.. Everything I did was hastened. Some bits of my temperament was shown too.. Even my mother was not spared.. Sorry mum.

I reached 10 minutes late but thank God, it's ELP for the first lesson as I just found out on my way to school. I realised I was much attentive than I ever had been .. I don't know what caused this changes in me .. But I'm sure.. it's good. I become hardworking too, head to the library on my own to do some tutorials and stuff..hehe.. Okok..better stop boasting..=P
School ended and some of my friends and me decided to play soccer at our school's hockey court. It was freaking hot. After everything, consequently, my shoe almost broke. I need a new pair =(

As of this writing.. I realised my dad is still not back yet .. though it's already past 12 midnight.. No calls.. Hope he'll be back soon. Hmm..
That's all .. Lil Fir signs off =P

2005-06-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

Upon waking up, I trudged to the bathroom. I got myself ready to head to school for dance practice. It's for clubcrawl. To be honest, little practice was done. I was tired and sleepy too. I stole some nap inside the clubroom. Amidst it, people were asking me about her. It rather caught me by surprise. Immediately though, I recalled my dear dear saying this to me; something are just meant to be kept in the heart and freeze it. I guess I kind of did that just now. I'm ok dear dear, don't you worry. =)

I was placing my bet literally that Howard would be eliminated in that reality television show but he stepped up the game and so, I was wronged. Denise Keller was closed to letting out tears. I felt that Jeff was overdoing things at his home and that conversation between him, his' grandmother and Denise. I admire Wolfgang. He's cool, calm and composed. He conversed constructively. In the end, it was Jeff who had to be ousted. He done us proud as being the local that had gone that far at winning Denise's heart.

I just happened to view my real blood sister's blog and was shocked at some discoveries. I wasn't aware of the problems she was facing. She is a retainee but she failed her mid year examination. She was complaining about her love life and stuff. I was like telling her, you're too young and immature to be in a relationship. She shouldn't even be thinking of all that. I told her studies was more important. Love can wait. Apparently, she was upset about her bad luck when comes to love and she was practically looking for love. As a brother to her, I felt it's good to give her this pieces of advice. Dear sis; the best way to find love is not to even find it. it comes to you when the time's right. you don't try to be somebody else just to please the one you like. that's not called love. accomodation would be the word for it. If you want true love, then .. why not love The One above us all? His love for you is unchallenged. It's never ending. Ok, I was also telling her .. examination is not a last-minute-studying kind of thing. It should be an everyday one. I hope I talked some sense into her. I was not angry or anything. I just felt I had say all that since I love her, she's my sister afterall. =)

That's about all peeps. Love you all =)

Love, Lil Fir

2005-05-30T23:23:00.000+08:00

Howdy! I'm not going to write much. Like I said earlier on in my previous journey entry, first lesson, I had to be with a different class as I retained my module. None of them talked to me, I feel so alienated but it's ok. Kind of bemused that they are a newbie in my school though. Year 1! Muaha! Ok..i shan't be evil. After that was Appreciation of Life Science. I love this module so much man! It's just clique with me. Last lesson was Internet Computing, my thang too because it's about network and I love that language known as HTML! It's what I've been meddling with past months or maybe even years. I wouldn't say I'm good at it but I'm sure when it's taught, I would grab it fast.

After school, I head down to Tiong Bahru all by myself to eat at Long John Silver. I went to Popular too and bought for myself 'Lord Of The Ring' book. I watched all three of the movies yet I don't have the book. HeHe..I'm going to read it later..

That's about all yeah. Sorry journal kind of messed up with broken english today .. But hell, it's my journal entry! hehe!

Love, Lil Fir

2005-05-29T23:36:00.000+08:00

I woke up at around 1.00PM. I should stop sleeping late man! School's about to start few hours from now. School is perhaps too mild a word. I should be saying Year 2! Time flies. I want to have a perfect start tomorrow. I'm going to pay lot's more attention. I promise. No! I'm not doing it for anyone. I'm doing it for myself. Got it? Good! =P

Anyways, I head down to Zong Yan's workplace. The place I would love to go every weekend, provided she allows me to do so. I don't know. She's just the perfect locale for me to pour my problems at. NO! It's not due to she being pretty(can't deny she's one though! ok..don't be vain ok? hahahah!) and fun to be with. It's not that for God's sake. It's more of what she have inside of her. A brain of an 80 year old and a heart of you name for me how many carats gold. All you have to do is to pour some dosage of your problems and she would give you the solutions to it literally. It amazes me somehow. I would like to think of her as someone who gives me strength, of course not entirely..the rest of the strength..i have to obtain by praying to God. I would like to think of her as an angel who brought me back to the path of being devoted to The One above us all. I dont know .. she is exactly just that.

Talking about being formal to each other today?.Haha. Let's just say she can''t bear to hurt a cute boy like me! Haha! Vice versa, I can't bear to hurt a sweet girl like her. *Vomits* HeHeHe..

I cannot understand why my lips keep bleeding. Grrr..People keep saying that I drink less water. But as a matter of factly, I drink plain water alot. Duh! So what could it be ? Hmms..

Tomorrow school! First lesson, I have to be an alien, literally. Because, I'll see new people. Kind of scared, but I'll overcome it! =) Ciaoz!

Love, Lil Fir

2005-05-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

School starts tomorrow! Gosh. That' fast. Anyways, just a breakdown of the modules that I'll be taking upcoming semester. I know it had nothing to do with you all. I just want to put for my own referance.

EG1001 - Engineering Mathematics 1A/1B [I retain this module =(]
EG2002 - Electronic Circuit Analysis
EG2005 - Electronic Troubleshooting Technique
EG2010 - Electronic Communication
EG2012 - Computer Programming 2
EG2097 - Semestral Project 4
EG2121 - Internet Computing[I'm gonna love this module. Got HTML!]
CL9001 - Appreciation of Life Science[This gonna be fun!]

Hee.. There you go..

Emotions..

2005-05-27T12:37:00.000+08:00

Went out of house early to send Hana off at Changi Airport together with Zong Yan, Ya Ting & Jiang Hao. We took cab. Before that, I told myself that I'll be strong. Reach there around 6.30AM. Hana soon came after. I managed to smile and be normal around her and so I thought. But there's always hints of discomfort and akwardness. Besides, the parting between me and her was not something I favoured, it was rushed and hesistant but oh well ..

It's a wonder how my emotion can change so quickly. Can I ask a question? Am I good at being left out or what ? Or maybe I just don't stand out ? I understand I don't have admirable quality to make people took notice of me. Things I hope for never happen. That's how I felt..it kind of contributed to my downfall ..All in all .. Things aren't the same, it can never be like before ..

I felt like crying throughout my journey home but I waited until Zong Yan board that 195 bus to visit her uncle. It flows like it never flow before. I cried all the way to my bathroom. I really cried my lungs out. Amidst that, I stared at the shampoo and even thought of drinking it. Suicidal.

I don't know. No matter how strong I want myself to be, in the end, I realised I'll become like a human. Vulnerable and weak. I realise I can never be. I really don't know how to pull through this. No one seem to be helping me .. it's ok. I should help myself.

Love, Lil Fir...

2005-05-26T06:51:00.000+08:00

How to make as if I sound I mean it but at the same time, not? i wonder..

Tell you the truth. I'm scared at the thought of she leaving this country. Please don't ask me why. I won't be able to answer that question. I'm not looking forward to it. I have no idea what will become of me, what will I feel and all that stuff but i do know that i have to be strong and mentally prepared for it..and i shall as always seek God for the strength to overcome all this..

Anyways, I'm glad that she's having a lot of fun nowadays. Seriously, I'm very happy for her. I swear, there is no lies in my sayings. Nothing beats seeing your bestfriend happy, really, though you played no part in it. At least my prayers are answered somehow...

2005-05-26T06:50:00.000+08:00

man. i'm scared and nervous at the thoughts of having to repeat a module this coming semester. that means, i'll be carrying more burden. i have to do an e-online registration today to register for my modules. thank God i passed my supplementary examinations or it'll be even more burden. counting down 5 more days to resume of school. can't wait to see my coursemates. have they change? wait and see .. hehe

anyways, today was ok. it was spent watching the Final 2 contestant battling it out on American Idol. I'm backing Carrie Underwood. Her vocal are much better though not as good as Vonzel who I initially backed to win this competition. Other than that, spent time experimenting, messing with Adobe Photoshop. I created a signature which I like. I'm pleased with the end result. I know, I still suck at design. KeKe!

Lil Fir's quote of the day:

Life's too short to even wait.

2005-05-22T11:18:00.000+08:00

not much happened today. woke up at 12.30PM to the call of a bugger in the form of a friend, Roshan. He asked me to come down Ulu Pandan Community Centre for some kickabouts. Met the rest, Shafiq, Farhan, Fiajudeen, Roshan, Mathan close to 6PM. We played a couple of games. Some were intense, a fight almost broke out. I was panting heavity after the whole thing, it was fun. Me and my close friends went to Ghim Moh's Macdonald to quench our thirst a bit and probably enjoy the aircon. We crapped about anything from Manchester United losing yesterday to the how-our-studies kind of thing. We headed home after that ..

Fiajudeen was telling me about his problems. I hate it when I can't help. His problems sound complexed to me..I myself need guidance too. Thank God .. i have some other peeps who's close to my heart, helping me out too. Felt blessed. HeHe. Ok Lil Fir signs off! :)

2005-05-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

I woke up @ 11.15AM today morning. Got myself ready to go to school for dance practice. I thought I was late but was astonished to learn that dance practice haven't resume yet. Today's practice was a slacking one. After practice, I headed to visit Zong Yan at her workplace. Reached there around 4PM I guess. Accompanied her up till 8PM. Our conversation was about God and her faith. I listened attentively. Although we're of different faith, I felt I can really learn a lot from her & boy I do have a lot to learn.. Wished to be like her in some ways but my thinking can sometime get way off.. Anyways, thanks dear dear! Let's get through our problems together ok ? =) Upon completion of her work, we ate at Macdonald below Lido Cineplex.

Coincindentally, I saw an ex-schoolmate of mine, Mei Mei. That's the first time we actually talked. We don't normally do that although we know each other by name and eye contacts. Her first reaction when she saw me was a laughter. I laughed too. Haha! It's good. Since she's my friend, I asked for more curry sauce!

Ok back to Zong Yan. God..she ate really slow and was wasting her food!! *evil grins*! After that, she met her friend and have a brief chat or something. For once, my bus came first !! Haha! Thanks dear dear for letting me accompany you!

2005-05-18T22:45:00.000+08:00

don't want to talk about work today. it's tiring and plain boring.

i couldn't verify why my heart is beating so rapidly now.. i stumbled upon something i wish i hadn't seen. maybe it's explainable but i rather it be unexplained. admittedly, tears almost flow out of my eyes but i managed to restrain it. i promised myself, & also Zong Yan dear dear that i'd be strong.

love, lil fir.

2005-05-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Quick recap:

supposed to meet zong yan at 10AM. end up, met her at 1PM ? haha! she introduced me to her ex-boss. i'll be starting work tomorrow morning. she and her coursemates took lot's of pic of the food they ordered. im still wondering what it's for. we also went and took pictures together near some jetty terminal. after that, i took the same bus as her, 196 to head home. she headed to her secondary school.

here are some pics we snapped!

2005-05-15T23:20:00.000+08:00

woke up and read nas' message saying she won't be able to meet me. i scheduled to meet at her home mrt station at 2PM and she agreed. so, i literally went around Singapore. went all the way to Yishun to retrieve the Zong Yan's Digicam. then i head to Zong Yan's workplace. bought snack for her along the way. poor dear dear..she was sleeping when i had to jolt her. we had one long conversations ..although she's the one doing most of the talking. i enjoyed listening to her. she really comforted me well. i managed not to think of 'her' and whatever had happen. all her Godly's advises to me is preciousSss(hehe..sound like Gollum from Lord Of The Ring!) i cant thanked her enough. thanks for being there for me dear dear! bestfriend forever! :) we had dinner at Long John Silver after she finished working. took bus home after that ..

oh yeah..we snapped some pictures. here's one or two of em ..

2005-05-15T01:28:00.000+08:00

if only my life can revolve around this ...

(dialogue taken from Lord Of The Ring movie. it's not accurate i know!)

Frodo: i wish i have never had this ring .. i wish none of this had happen .

(if i were to translate it into my version..)
Firdaus: i wish i have never had this feelings .. i wish none of this had happen ..

Gandalf: so do all who live to see such times but it's not for them to decide. all you have to decide is what to do with the time that's given to you ..

i wished i have this sort of encouragement.. i wished..i have the strength to move on..

2005-05-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

ok.. this morning i was kindda reluctant to wake up. i purposely let my handphone's alarm clock run for 3 to 4 more rounds before i finally decided to get up of bed. went to school for some club committee's meeting(clubcrawl). the participation wasn't that encouraging. but ok .. we managed to get the hang of it.

i head to dance after that. after the whole thing, i was just shagged. i immediately went home after that, i turned down my friend's invitation to play soccer and her's invitation too..

sorry, i know i sounded harsh .. when i decline your invitation ..
i'm desperately battling whatever i possess in my heart..
told you the other day that i needed time to overcome all this..
it's not easy .. if it were to be an expedition .. it's mount everest kind..
i'm trying kayz... hope you'd understand..

love, Lil Fir ..

2005-05-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

omg. today was rather hella lot of fun!

ok, it started with me having to meet the committee member of stageart to discuss our delegations of stuff for the upcoming clubcrawl. it just happened that not a lot of us turned up. there was only 3 of us, ash, me & smurf. pathetic i tell you ..

after that, i had to rushed all the way to Jurong Point cause I my class was having a gathering. i missed them so much .. we ate at pizza hut. it's kindda sad though because i had to leave them early for i have a dance performance to rush to. if you guys reading this; my deepest apologies aight?

well, i was kindda worried i won't be able to reach by 6.30PM. but hell..reached a few minutes after that wont kill i suppose. met the rest at the atrium. the party was about to get started! our performance was aight, only that .. yee shan accidentally kicked me! haha! can't blame! the stage was small! Gawd! and the bright light! blinding me! grr..haha! after our performance, it's just .. party and dance like there's no tomorrow kindda stuff! i really enjoyed it alot.. i never danced so much in my life before. it's like disco.

i'm thankful, got such stuff to occupy me you know. it made me forget about the setbacks i had yesterday. kindda hard to swallow as i mentioned in the previous post but i'll continue to move on .. i know this sort of thing is not new to her .. but i won't make life difficult for her. she's my best friend cum my dear .. and she'll always remain that.

i really want to thank my dear dear, zong yan too .. giving me pieces of Godly advises..i really appreciate it. love ya lotx! *mwakz*

ok.. i am shagged! it was really a cool day today man! peace out!

2005-05-13T11:28:00.000+08:00

This is just so hard to swallow....

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

2005-05-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

today was rather a mixed emotion for me..

i'll just want to fast forward to what happen a moment ago.

here's a re-enacment.

the moment she alight off the mrt, i was trying to control my tears from being shed. i don't want to cry in public. i waited until i reached my home station. i loitered around the stadium, sat somewhere & look up at the sky and cry my heart out ...

2005-05-11T23:29:00.000+08:00

i can't help but think that i'm being cruel to her .. it felt like i'm hurting an angel. it really hurts terribly .. i really wanna go to her and tell her how sorry i really am.. i really want to put an end to all this ..

if we're able to end it .. i pray and wish that i'll be the

firdaus you've always known ..

one whom you love to take pictures with ..

one whom we both promised to duet to that song too..

one whom you called first upon viewing that three stars(i saw it a few days ago..) in a row..

one whom you would tell first upon seeing him .. :)

i dont know if it would happen .. but i'll pray and wish for it nonetheless ..

Love, Lil Fir ..

2005-05-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

Just want to highlights some of the things that gonna happen this week

Tuesday - I have supp paper plus dance practice after that ..
Wednesday - Dance Practice .. later play soccer with friends...
Thursday - Dance Practice
Friday - Class 512 Outing at 4.30PM.. I have to rush down for performance after that .. GOSH!

Hehehe...Lil Fir..will be dead by Friday .. =(

Message specially for Zong Yan: LOL .. don't take it too heart ok .. you're always there for me de ! :) *mwakz* dear dear!

2005-05-09T21:07:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't be lingering on thoughts like 'why this had to happen to me?', 'why does it have to be her?' & so on ..

i shouldn't be resenting the one above us all, God ..

all i can do now is pray .. hope He'll guide me and take me through this tough time..

sometime i felt .. things happen for a reason ..
for me, i guess this might just be a blessing in disguise ..
i realised i've become a much stronger and thoughtful being ..
i admit too, i think i've brought myself more and more closer to God ..
i'll not hesitate to say that 'she' caused this change in me ..
and for that, i thanked God for it .

i don't know if she'll be reading this.. if not, i'll pray for it to be divinely sent to her one way or another.. though i know, i have to tell her myself in the end..

noticed i used the word 'pray' so much ..? i really pray that things will turn out positively in the end .. i don't want this ending .. Amin.

2005-05-08T01:13:00.000+08:00

had stagearts general meeting at 11am. we're all gearing up for clubcrawls thingy. i'm in the committee so i must contribute my part too. had dance practice at around 1.30PM. it was fun as usual, learnt new choreos. but hell, the warm-up was pure torture. it's really generates a hella lot of sweats off me.

after practice, me, nas, ys and dearie zelia went to eat at ang mo kio. we slacked at macdonald too for a few while. we all noticed a very strange lady. her behaviour was rather odd. dont want to elaborate. pitied her. we all went back after that..

P.S. *sighs* that's not an ending i favoured. i'm totally am really sorry .. *cries....*

2005-05-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

ok yesterday(i'm talking about Thursday) was alright I guess apart from some sh*t i encountered at home. i quarrelled with my mum, full stop. don't want to elaborate. that's partly the reason i came 10 minutes late for dance practice. we learnt jazz. i did well i guess. zong yan was there to accompany me. she's very sweet. thanks dear dear =) we learnt some hip-hop choreos too. it was fun apart from what i was feeling at that time. ok it was home after that, took the same direction as josh, zelia, ys and new girl, belinda and jiang hao too. jiang hao left his friend's spec at the dance studio. i hope he's able to retrieve it before anyone else does tomorrow's morning. good luck bro. i didn't straight went home. i went and find a place near my house to sit alone. contemplate on what i'd do next.. wrote my thoughts on my personal notepad. i reached home at 12AM.

i'm resolve to study for my supplementary papers later on today. lessen my computer's usage. hehe.. that's all. lil fir loves you all .. :)

2005-05-05T02:09:00.000+08:00

'N Sync - I Thought She Knew
She was my once in a lifetime
Happy ending come true
Oh, I guess I should have told her
But I thought she knew
She said I took her for granted
That's the last thing I would do
Oh, I'll never understand it
Cause I thought she knew
(I thought she knew)

I thought she knew my world revolved around her
My love light burned for her alone
But she couldn't see the flame
Only myself to blame
I should have known
I should have known

A heart full of words left unspoken
Now that we're through
I'd sell my soul
To have this silence broken
Oh, I thought she knew
I thought she knew

I thought she knew my world revolved around her
My love light burned for her alone
But she couldn't see the flame
Only myself to blame
I should have known
I should have known

She was my once in a lifetime
Happy ending come true
Oh, I guess I should have told her
But I thought she knew
I thought she knew
(I thought she knew)
I thought she knew
(I thought she knew)
I thought she knew
I thought that she knew

2005-05-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

God .. please please give me the strength and courage to overcome all this ..

2005-05-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

as of this writing, i'm crying .. i'm crying in silence ...

Blogger Help : What is BlogThis! ?

2005-05-04T19:55:00.000+08:00

I did not do well in my examinations! Gosh. Retained one module and have to sit for one supplementary examination. How bad can my life be ?

2005-05-02T20:52:00.000+08:00

i'm no connoisseur when comes to love but i've never encountered such situation in my life before.

even though i'm trying to express my feelings for her, at the same time, i'm praying hard she doesn't know about it. i know this is contradiction.

but think about it, i've always been one who treasure friendship. i'm one who would not hesitate to choose friend over anything else. to lose a friend is simply catrastrophic to me..

i wished i have the strength to tell you that we're still bestfriend & dear. but my heart tells me otherwise..

fir looks up to God & pray ..
" God. please give me the strength & courage to overcome this ordeal.. show me the correct path.. i want things to turn out positively.. "

if you're by chance reading this and know who you are ..
i hope you would forgive me..
i never meant to treat you the way i shouldn't ..
you don't deserve all that ..
i'm sincerely am sorry ..

love, lil fir

2005-05-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

woke up with only a few hours of sleep spent. it had been like that for a couple of nights now. i decided to go to sentosa with nas, ys & zelia. i reached harbour front mrt at 09 00 hours. i had to wait half an hour for a soul in the form of nas to reach. after that, another one and a half hour for ys' arrival. boy! am i one patient dude or what?! i took every opportunities to sleep while i can before his arrival. we went to eat at some hawker centre nearby. the trio of us had chicken rice. we decided to head off to pahlawan beach without zelia. we literally got our was lost there. it's been quite ages since i last step into sentosa. i did not really had fun there. i was kind of moody ad often left out from their conversations. nonetheless, it felt good to embrace the sea after a long time. we decided to go off at 18 00 hours. after bathing, ys & me noticed a malay dude actually peeping into the girls toilet. damm perverted. i was pissed off with his action considering he's a member of my own race. i felt so abashed. anyways, we head different direction after that. nas & ys went to meet up with zelia @ PS. i told them, i'll head home but in actual fact, i head to tiong bahru plaza to have my dinner there. it was finally home where i head to after that.

2005-04-30T22:54:00.000+08:00

as of this writing, i realised my heartbeat is not normal. don't worry, i'm fine. it's just that my heart is thumping rapidly in a way, signifying that i'm worried. i don't know. truthfully, i'm very scared right now. why? i'm so fearful of what would happen next.. i'll never know what would fall in front of me. i'm totally clueless-ed..i hope i'll be able to take it if it were to befall me ..

ok enough of my sadness. i do have my happy moments today.

it's a saturday so i had dance practice. i didn't attend two previous ones. it sure felt good to be back dancing. boy! it was hella lot of fun! learnt 2 new choreos. after that, went with Zelia dearie, Yee Shan, Josh & Nas to Ang Mo Kio to eat & drink. after that, josh went off to work. the rest of us went to play pool which was just several floors from where we ate. i still have yet to get the hang of it. practice makes perfect. nas knew about what happened to me, thought it took some questioning before she really knew about it. zelia gave me some word of advice and comfort. thanks dearie, appreciate it alot. *muackz* nas went off after a few games. zelia & yee shan had a couple of rounds before we left the pool room. zelia was scanning for some pants. after that, me & yee shan bought some dessert to quench our thirst. we head to arcade after that. i forgot the game name they played. they're so good at it. we called it a day after that. we took different MRT direction home.

P.S. i realised i have become a wordy person ..

2005-04-29T01:13:00.000+08:00

POST RE-SUBMITTED ..

i couldn't believe im writting this at such odd times of 1.14am. but anyways .. i just had to share my stories..

at points in time, this question would always be flashed inside my mind,. "why? of all girls, i had to fall for someone like her?". no, i never meant to say that she's bad or something. she's not, not at all. in fact, she's a total angel. she's the most nicest person i've ever crossed path with. i had nothing but God to thanked to profusely for blessing me with a girl like her. to me, she's the greatest friend i ever had. we did a lot of things together. we were close. to the extent people would claimed us to be together. i would like retort back at them, stressing that we're real good friends.

i could never have been so wrong as time passed by. the unexpected just had to happen. i had to fall for her. really, i never meant too. it's just.. not at all right. upright impossible. it's just .. if you asked me, it's really out of this world. i never meant for things to turn out this way but it all happened ever since i had this one dream. i could never really remember all the instances, but all i know was that .. we kissed each other in that dream. this is true, i never would lie. when i woke up from that dream, i was like "what the hell" that kind of stuff. people say, dream is opposite when comes to reality. but somehow, it was proven wrong to me in a way. subconciously or conciously, i realised i would like look around for her, whenever she wasn't around me. when she's mingling with other boys, i felt something, i don't know what you called that. whatever, i just felt it. soon enough, i grew to learn that i was in love with her..

sighs. why .. why do i have to fall for her?

she doesn't know about this & even if she's reading this, i doubt she would imagined she'll be the one i'm talking about. i will never wronged you, it's ok. there's no sign of contradiction here. my heart can only fill one person in at any point of time.

partially,my heart told me to let it off my chest because it kindda aches if she doesn't know about it.

partially, my heart would also tell me .. not to let her know about it. why ? we have such great relationship, she's such a true companion. why would i want to spoil that? it aches as much.

though i love her so much right now .. i wouldn't expect her to love me back in return. it's not me. i believe she still like a guy. she'd been talking about him all this while, even through this period i'm going through. i promised to help her pursue that dream guy of her's. i know it's crazy and i would feel akward but i'm resolved to maintain the relationship that we're having..

but now, i found myself trying to avoid her. i never meant to do that.. guess, am really trying to avoid this feeling i had for her.

i learnt loving someone doesn't mean you can have that person wholely. love doesn't conquer all.

i'm going through such hard times now .. am really in need of people who could share my burden and stuff..

love, lil fir ..

2005-04-27T21:09:00.000+08:00

i woke up at approximately 10 00hrs(i purposely write in this time format for some reason. *evil grins*). i agreed with syaz. i hadn't had enough sleep before that. only 4 hours! thank God though, there's no sign of disintegration in me. syaz & me planned to watch movie today at cathay cineleisure. had some bits of miscommunications or something because she waited at the bus stop while i was at the control station. urgh, life without handphone truely sucks! heh. watched the pacifier which starred Vin Diesel. lol, yeah .. we're literally like the only 2 in the theatre or something? we owed to our obselence. but anyhow, the movie was funny. shane, being an elite member in the navy seal, had to do out of any other job, baby-sitting. when he baby-sits, it's purely military style with all the commands, disciplining being thrown in. it was hilarious & being the giggly person i'd always been, i chuckled throughout the movie. hehe.. like finally huh? syaz agreed to take pictures with me ? haha..brought a digicam with me. we snapped my way home. she had to alight somewhere else. the first thing i did upon stepping into my house was to reach for my bed. sleepiness had finally caught up with me or something. i set up my alarm to wake me up at 8.30PM to watch American Idol. there you go .. after that, i'm writting this blog entry..

uh.here's some picture we snapped.

ikan paus(fir) on the left & anak longkang(syaz) on the right..

ok..now anak longkang(syaz) on the left & ikan paus(fir) on the right!

P.S. I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow ...

2005-04-27T12:20:00.000+08:00

get away from me. i don't want to fall for you ..

get away from me. i don't want to fall for you ..

get away from me. i don't want to fall for you ..

get away from me. i don't want to fall for you ..

get away from me. i don't want to fall for you ..

out of this world

2005-04-25T23:12:00.000+08:00

i might seem nonchalant in people's presence but to be truthful, it's all a facade. they have no idea that a thousand of elements is filling my puny brain. the elements are interchangeably burdens and feelings i wish i had never conjured. if i were to put into equation(i'm sorry, never meant to sound mathematical), it's totally out of this world!

but, i'm never one who would blame anyone, especially this one girl whom i currently bears a feeling for. i'm confronting a dilemma. i asked myself this question, should i let it off my chest and just tell you how i feel or should i not? at the same time, i don't want to agonise the relationship that we're having.

i resigned myself to fate. i have no idea what the future holds for me now in term of you and me, but i sure hope it's positive.

2005-04-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

i went to give zong yan dearie a visit and at the same time, borrowed her digicam. she told me about her problems and i told her mine. she was shocked with whatever i had to say. nonetheless, i guess she more or less accept my thoughts and feelings for someone. after i told her, guess i felt better. i felt as if half of my burden is lifted. the other half .. i dont know. anyways, thanks dearie :) *mwakz*

2005-04-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

i need to get away from her .. i don't want to fall for her .. seriously.. it's just not right ..